Halla Cholae Chhe Juddhe

Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne (The Adventures of Goopy and Bagha) is my favourite movie of all time.

Let's have that on record.

O re Goopy re...

Bagha re..!

Holi Hai

Fuck I ate so much fucking food my stomach feels like it's going to explode and so much food and fuck and so on and so forth fucking fuck Fuck.

Around the bend

Went through about 120 gigabytes of music and picked the top 15% for the walkman. It is a shuffle so I'm glad it only holds 2 gigs. It was a pretty exhaustive process. Constantly feel the need to swap a song for another. I've decided to keep the collection eclectic.
I've experimented with a purely adrenaline based collection but it loses it's charm when you just need something to listen to while studying. So I decided to be slightly eclectic.

Here's an idea of what it's like

• Symphony #9 (Choral) - Beethoven
• London Symphony Orchestra - Hey Jude (cover, further edited by me to be a little longer, it's fucking A)
• Jigglypuff's Song - Pokémon
• Rocker - AC/DC
• Edelweiss (Christopher Plummer version)
• Arnold Schwarzenegger - Who do YOU want to be in life?
• Pungi - Mika Singh
• Venkateshwara Suprabhatam
• You got a lot to learn - Same Shit Different Day
• One way glass - Manfred Mann Chapter Three
• Wor - Django Django
• Tender - Blur

Gee, that was me hitting shuffle. This list under represents the amount of classic rock in there. But yeah, it proves the diversity point.

I'm pretty satisfied with it. Well, I am right now. Mmhmm.

Falling asleep

I've been listening to my work-out playlist on my Sony Walkman NWZ-W202 (thanks Guha) for far too long now. The Walkman is so convenient I end up listening to it all the time. I think I'm slowly getting used to it as background music. The other day I wasn't able to sleep until I plugged it in one ear. And the playlsit isn't exactly a soothing one.

Do I need to be concerned about this?

Fuck no, I've always wanted a soundtrack to life.

Edit : Had exam#2 yesterday, let's see how that pans out. Another day older, deeper in debt.

Lucid

I've never really been able to spend much time in a dream realising that it is one. My dreams have an annoying habit of suddenly taking a turn for the tragic and I usually end up dying in them. I either wake up or instantly appear in the middle of another dream (a la Inception)

But yesterday night I had a lucid dream.

So there was a roller coaster inside the apartment I was living in. One of the bedrooms was even filled with water and the ride was awesome, it was pretty neat to have a roller coaster inside my house, why didn't more homes have them? Suddenly, however, the car began to plummet as it came off the rails and my harness was quickly coming apart. Upside down, hanging over a bottomless abyss (there was a bottom but we were several thousand feet in the air inside my apartment (you must understand that the room was regular sized though, I could never abide by a ceiling a thousand feet high) when suddenly I started feeling the panic that I suppose you're supposed to feel when you become aware of the inevitable.

That's usually where I wake up or go pee at 3.a.m but today was different, I stayed in the car, dangling over the abyss, certain I was about to actually meet my end. But I didn't want to, it would suck, I had lots of things I wanted to do. I don't want to fall off this roller coaster inside my room

But why would falling inside my room be so dangerous? 

We aren't a thousand feet in the air?  

Why is there a roller coaster inside my room? 

How is there a roller coaster inside my room?

I'm dreaming, no fucking way. And I fell out of the car. But you see, I knew I was dreaming. I knew I was just going to wake up. And then as I fell from nowhere to no place, I surged upwards and I flew for a while.

This reads weird. It was. That's why I'm glad I'm writing things again, because this happened. It felt good. I spread my arms out and tried controlling my flight, I tried forcing surroundings to exist but I just kept (what felt like) soaring through an emptiness, occasionally passing through an arrangement of wooden frames. Reference points I had managed to conjure maybe.

Then it ended, and I woke up in a bit of a sweat. Maybe if I had been more comfortable I could have kept it going? I don't know. It was a bit of an experience. Definitely tops the one I had about Christina Hendricks and Meryl Streep.

It's fascinating, the little things that happen everyday. It's a wonder to be alive.

Coffee

Switching to black last has been one the better decisions of my life. Two nice steaming cups a day keep me running.

Discovered Manfred Mann a few weeks ago, loving the bulk of his discography. Laziness extended itself to a new level today, finally loaded up all the remote control apps for the laptop onto my phone today. I open the lid much lesser now.

That's all I've got for today. It has been quiet, calm and uneventful. I read a lot about Whisky though. Got some cravings. 43 days sober now. Have to hang in there for about three more months now. Then I have a 12 year old with my name on it waiting for me.

Change

Things I need to work on

• Anger management.
• Academics

Saw Jolly LLB today. New five rep max for deadlifts at 118kg today, 120 next week I hope. Had a minor fight at home. I honestly believe relations take a large turn for the better when you're Not living at home. I am living at home, but that's no excuse.

Can't think of too many musings today. Another day, another entry.

Routine

Here's the thing. I don't know what I want. I know what I want now. Now I want to finish this post quickly so it stops nagging me, finish the reading I have left planned for the day and then sleep. But I don't know what I want want.

See, I know that a decade or two down the line I might look back at this time and say
"Fool. You knew all along".

But I don't know right now alright? And this needs to be documented. So for now I have discovered what keeps me ticking. Routine.
This way, I know what to expect. Anything that is not in my routine is a welcome change. But I have some thing that needs doing and I'll be getting back to that, thank you.

I've been lifting seriously for about six months now, dicking around in the gym for a few months before that. It's based around progression. To get stronger. Three days a week, just for an hour each day. It gets me from Monday to Wednesday to Friday. To get stronger I need to eat right. Check. Much stronger than I was six months ago, and stronger every Friday than I was on Monday. Every Wednesday I haul something heavier off the floor than I did last. To get stronger and start looking better and I need to eat even righter.

So I eat the same meals every day.
If it's a gym day I've thrown a cup of black coffee into me at 6 a.m. Post workout I have oatmeal with a glass of milk to go with it. No sugar with anything. Three egg whites. Make myself a protein shake and have that too, I'll have another in the evening.
I have two cups of rice and dal and some veggies for lunch.
In the evening I might snack on some biscuits or some chaat. I'll have two rotis with the afternoon's veggies for dinner and another cup of milk. Hopefully it was chicken or fish instead of veggies.

For all of that to be worth anything I need to sleep on time. Wake up on time. Check. I need to study in the middle. Check. Do I do anything else? Now I write too.

I get the same fucking haircut every three weeks. Every week I shave clean. At the end of every week I count how many I have left till it's college entrance exam season again. I need to perform academically or get out and do something. I need to do it at the end of this summer.

But most importantly of all. I need to find that thing that I will break routine for.
You know. That thing I want want.

Writing again

It has been a long time. I set up a blogger account for my mother today and decided I would start writing things down again. I don't believe in a personal journal because I would always write in a personal journal with the expectation that it would be read some day and I, judged accordingly.

There's hardly anything personal about that.

So here are my musings for all to see. I can hardly imagine the number of blogs that introduce themselves like this. But it is important to write. It is important to record your point of view on things so that you can talk to yourself over the passage of time. For what it's worth, I believe everyone should do this. 
I have no theme. I just think I need to write. 

Won't you let me be my love?

Give me just a little longer

For I have found my quiet place

Where my mind and heart may wander