Routine

Here's the thing. I don't know what I want. I know what I want now. Now I want to finish this post quickly so it stops nagging me, finish the reading I have left planned for the day and then sleep. But I don't know what I want want.

See, I know that a decade or two down the line I might look back at this time and say
"Fool. You knew all along".

But I don't know right now alright? And this needs to be documented. So for now I have discovered what keeps me ticking. Routine.
This way, I know what to expect. Anything that is not in my routine is a welcome change. But I have some thing that needs doing and I'll be getting back to that, thank you.

I've been lifting seriously for about six months now, dicking around in the gym for a few months before that. It's based around progression. To get stronger. Three days a week, just for an hour each day. It gets me from Monday to Wednesday to Friday. To get stronger I need to eat right. Check. Much stronger than I was six months ago, and stronger every Friday than I was on Monday. Every Wednesday I haul something heavier off the floor than I did last. To get stronger and start looking better and I need to eat even righter.

So I eat the same meals every day.
If it's a gym day I've thrown a cup of black coffee into me at 6 a.m. Post workout I have oatmeal with a glass of milk to go with it. No sugar with anything. Three egg whites. Make myself a protein shake and have that too, I'll have another in the evening.
I have two cups of rice and dal and some veggies for lunch.
In the evening I might snack on some biscuits or some chaat. I'll have two rotis with the afternoon's veggies for dinner and another cup of milk. Hopefully it was chicken or fish instead of veggies.

For all of that to be worth anything I need to sleep on time. Wake up on time. Check. I need to study in the middle. Check. Do I do anything else? Now I write too.

I get the same fucking haircut every three weeks. Every week I shave clean. At the end of every week I count how many I have left till it's college entrance exam season again. I need to perform academically or get out and do something. I need to do it at the end of this summer.

But most importantly of all. I need to find that thing that I will break routine for.
You know. That thing I want want.